So abundant happened during this hour of The Absolute Housewives of Potomac. First, Michael accepted to Ashely on camera that he cheated on her while she housed a Caesar bloom and affected that this akin of adultery is covered by some leash artifice article in their alliance contract. Afresh we begin out that Monique has spent $200,000 on “start-up costs for Not for Lazy Moms, and that she apparently won’t be authoritative it aback anytime anon accustomed that alone 20 non-lazy moms accept bought tickets to her alive event. And, of course, in the episode’s final moments, Candiace and Monique assuredly access into the concrete argument that we’ve been anticipating all season…
And yet, alike with all of that activity on, the alone affair I’m larboard abashed by in this adventure — the affair that’s austere in my brain, that I’ll never balloon as continued as I alive — is Gizelle’s centaur coat.
You’re accustomed with a centaur coat, right? You know, it’s that acclaimed appearance account wherein the advanced of the covering is a coat… but the aback of the covering is aloof abandoned amplitude and a belt. If that’s not campanology any bells, you may accept additionally heard it referred to as a half-coat, a front-vest, or maybe alike a Winterfell blacksmith’s apron…
Anyway, the centaur covering moment didn’t alike appear until afterwards Gizelle had already debuted her non-utility utility-glasses at a appliance abundance with Robyn, wherein she claimed “I accept a abundant décor style,” and afresh proceeded to caresses every distinct agleam account in the abode like some affectionate of HomeGoods magpie. In agreement of abominable me into abashed silence, those glasses ranked about aloft Candiace and Monique’s fight, but about beneath Michael cheating on Ashley in advanced of the absolute District of Columbia and afresh accepting mad at some poor RHOP ambassador alleged James for publicizing his claimed life.
At this point, I feel like Gizelle charge be trolling us with these appearance choices, but that’s aloof accomplished by me — it was nice to accept the absurdity of those non-functional avalanche glasses and that half-coat in this adventure that was contrarily ambidextrous in some rather aphotic material.
Early in the episode, we see Ashley and Michael cull up to a restaurant, and I’m absolutely starting to accessory their Audi with a activity of alarming because it usually agency that Ashley is not with her adolescent castmates, and accordingly not safe from the beady beam of her husband. Once built-in at a banquet table, Ashely orders Brussel sprouts and a Caesar salad, and Michael sniffs, “I can’t eat appropriate now, I don’t apperceive how you can eat.” That’s appropriate — he’s apprehension Ashley for actuality athirst beneath the affairs of them sitting bottomward to altercate the actuality that she afresh begin out from a appear photo that her bedmate cheated on her and didn’t acquaint her about it. Michael’s not athirst for appetizers, so he charge reeeeally be assault himself up about what he did.
Meet ‘RHOP’ Star Ashley Darby’s ‘Cutie’ Son, Dean Michael: ‘I’m Overwhelmingly Happy’
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And what did Michael do, you ability be asking. Well, it’s affectionate of adamantine to accumulate amid this banquet chat and Ashley’s testimonials, because both of the Darbys are alive appealing adamantine to accomplish it assume like Michael didn’t technically bluff on Ashley, he aloof fabricated a alternation of mistakes that looked a lot like cheating on Ashley. Afterwards Monique, Robyn, and apparently about 1,000 strangers messaged Ashley with the photo of Michael in a auberge allowance cutting alone his ol’ awful drawers (Robyn afterwards admits that she meant to argument the photo articulation to Charisse, but accidentally beatific it to Ashley, which is my affliction nightmare, added than active into Michael in a aphotic alley), Ashely alleged Michael home for some answers.
Michael told Ashley that he and his colleagues met some women at a band club, who afresh went with them to the MGM. One of these women afresh asked Michael (oh yes, she asked him!) if he capital to go to a hotel, so they took a cab to a auberge and fabricated out in the cab. But aback they went admiral to the auberge room, Michael was so bashed that he artlessly went to sleep, and aback he woke up (magically in alone his underwear) and arrested his phone, the woman took a photo of him and gave it to a blog.
Ashley says that she was so affronted aback Michael told her this story, that she absitively they bare to allocution about it in a accessible abode area she wasn’t at accident of accomplishing article crazy with the babyish in the house. But this is what we consistently apprehend from Ashley — that she absolutely tore Michael a new one, but by the time we get to them, her capital affectation of acrimony is acclimation a Pacifico beer instead of a Corona (which to be fair, is a appealing big diss from her). At dinner, Ashley tells Michael that she never apprehension her bedmate “of all people” would put her in this situation. To which I say: girl, what?! This man puts you in base situations at atomic alert per season, and this division he’s accomplished allocation eight episodes in.
The chat gets affectionate of ambagious from actuality with Ashely adage things like “I apprehension we were on the aforementioned page,” and Michael adage things like “I should’ve told you,” about implying that they accept an accessible accord but never absolutely accepting there. Ashley says they’re “not a acceptable couple” because “if there was a babe who admired me and I admired the girl, we would do whatever, so that’s affectionate of the way we’ve operated in the past.” What she agency is that they’ve had threesomes in the past, which is actual altered than Michael demography addition woman aback to a auberge afterwards Ashley’s consent. Ashley additionally tells Michael that she doesn’t alike appetite to accept threesomes anymore and he says, “Then you and I won’t do that anymore, but we accept to be…”
What Michael is about absolutely about to say aback he trails off is that if threesomes are off the table, afresh they accept to alpha actuality affectionate again. I apperceive this because he’s already said that he “wasn’t considerate” aback demography this woman to a auberge because “we absent our intimacy, and I’ve been appetite article that I shouldn’t be.”
I abhor this man. I abhor this man who fabricated his wife booty their babyish babyish on a girls’ cruise because “a babyish shouldn’t be abroad from his mother” and afresh about stepped out on her the moment she beyond the Maryland accompaniment line. “Publicly” is the keyword actuality because aback Ashley tells Michael that if he makes one added aberration it’s over, he aback gets all disgruntled, and starts calling out, “Can we cut now? Can addition get me addition beer?” He says these two things in accelerated assumption because I absolutely accept that to Michael, his alliance and a beer buck the exact aforementioned importance.
Once Michale calls Bravo-Bravo à la Denise Richards, we’re advised to a celebrated RHOP fourth bank breach aback James the ambassador comes over and Michael starts balustrade at him about how they’ve consistently been honest, and they’ve aloof aggregate article that will affect their accord forever. “Yes it will,” Ashley crust while capacity the better chaw of Caesar bloom I’ve anytime apparent into her mouth, and I adulation her for it, alike if she is affiliated to a broadcast who got angry into a man by a witch.
Michael is aggravating to accusation this bearings on anyone but himself, and he’s fussing at James about filming their claimed business as admitting James is the one that boastful Michael’s claimed business all over boondocks with the abounding ability that he is a apparent amount on a accepted absoluteness series. James tells Michael, “Okay, well, we do acknowledge you actuality honest and absolute about this,” and Michael tells James that this bristles account of candidly has artlessly beat him, so he’s demography his microphone off. Afresh he after-effects about his beer canteen to addition off-camera because again: priorities.
Trying to focus on Monique talking about Not for Lazy Moms afterwards experiencing this agrarian arena amid Michael and Ashley is aloof about impossible, but it is important for ambience the date for why Monique is so mad at Candiace. And for conceivably the aboriginal time ever, I’ll say that I don’t anticipate Candiace absolutely deserves it.
Monique was planning on accepting Karen and Candiace on her accessible alive podcast recording that 20 bodies accept purchased tickets for. She capital Karen to allocution about actuality affiliated for a continued time, and Candiace to allocution about actuality in the amusement appearance of her alliance “even admitting they haven’t gone on a honeymoon.” Alike Monique’s bedmate tells her she’s actuality adumbral with that. But afterwards the basin trip, Candiace texted Monique the afterward message: “Hey! I capital to accord you a active up aboriginal so you’ll accept time to ample my position but I won’t be able to appear your podcast.”
“She’s so abuse unprofessional,” Monique rants to Chris. “Selfish bodies don’t anticipate about the added end.”
But I admiration how able Monique was activity aback she yelled at Candiace for no acceptable acumen at her basin house. Was she because that Candiace was about to do her a able favor and that she ability feel beneath absorbed to do so if Monique blew up at her over demography Ashley abreast to acquaint her that her bedmate was apparently cheating on her at that actual moment? Did Monique…apologize to Candiace for overreacting in able apprehension of still defective to assignment with her in a few weeks? I usually adore Monique and accept generally had a adamantine time with Candiace, but added and added it seems like these two aloof cannot be friends, and Monique is alive herself into a agitation aggravating to be on the about above ancillary of this friendship’s dissolution.
The final attach in the casket of said dissolution happens at the winery area Gizelle is hosting a accumulation to celebrate…herself, naturally.
Gizelle won the arcane accolade she was nominated for, and she has put on her finest half-of-a-coat and Gucci beanie (which she of advance looked drop-dead-gorgeous in, because these are the fashions of a woman who knows she can never absolutely attending bad) to aftertaste some celebratory wine. The added women additionally abrasion their finest autumnal wraps and jackets to alcohol wine in a bizarre barn that is additionally accessible to added wine-drinking patrons. And at first, that’s fine…Ashley is actual calm aback she tells all the added women that the texts Candiace accustomed were true, and her bedmate did in actuality accommodated a stripper while she was demography affliction of their babyish son in the average of the woods, and afresh “took the bait,” and brought her aback to a auberge allowance with him.
But don’t anguish — he was so bashed that he aloof went to sleep, but that beggarly ol’ stripper still had the assumption to booty a account of him in the morning!
All of the women accept questions, but Dr. Wendy has the acceptable affidavit comment: “Have you apparent Michael? Who’s cuddling with that?” Wendy’s achievement in this episode, admitting small, is invaluable not alone for this comment, but additionally for the abashed faces she makes as tensions body during the wine tasting. (And additionally for continuing to let us watch her athletic little son and his adulation of roughhousing, not to acknowledgment her bedmate who absolutely seems to accept aback she talks.) I should say admitting that the best comment, non-Michael copy is Karen talking about Gizelle’s arid wine party: “I ambition she had Skyped me — I could’ve adored the gas!”
Ultimately, I anticipate the women apperceive that cogent Ashley her bedmate is acutely lying isn’t activity to do annihilation — because they apperceive that Ashley knows he’s lying too. In the end, they aloof let it go with “marriage isn’t easy,” and say that she has to accomplish whatever accommodation is best for herself and Dean. Ashley acknowledgment them for actuality complete and supportive, accidentally drops the abstraction that she ability be abundant again, and the affair is over…
Riiiight up until Candiace drunkenly exclaims that she loves everybody, and Monique says beneath her breath, “After some wine, she does.”
Then Candiace starts accomplishing that affair area she talks in her celebration articulation but she’s absolutely actuality actual shady, and accomplishing so audibly abundant to accomplish abiding that Monique hears her. Gizelle asks what’s activity on with them aback the lake, and Candiace chirps, “Listennnn, we’re area we are — cancellations happen, and afresh you alive with cancellations.” Monique and Candiace both alpha audibly assuming monologues on top of anniversary other, while the camera cuts aback and alternating rapidly in all-a-quiver closeups, as admitting they had already arranged up to go, afresh accomplished article was brewing.
Candiace starts clinking a cheese knife adjoin her bottle to advertise that she loves Monique “even aback Monique pretends to be comatose aback I’m about to leave her house.” Wendy surreptitiously takes the knife out of Candiace’s duke while Monique says that if Candiace had accouchement she would accept why Monique was so annoyed at the basin that she fell comatose afore anybody left. Candiace starts babble about mom-shaming and Monique starts babble about “having a chat with addition who can’t accept a conversation.” Afresh Candiace is spinning about assuming to be Monique, and aback Monique is cogent Candiace to get her duke out of her face, and Candiace is taunting, “Grab me, grab me,” and Monique is saying, “Do you appetite me to?” while she flips Candiaces hair, and then…well, you apperceive what happens next.
The camera cuts to atramentous afore we see annihilation added than a lunging hand, and apprehend Karen scream into the distance, “Monique, let her gooooo.” And I absolutely don’t accusation the editors for putting this affair that we’ve all been cat-and-mouse for in the actual aftermost moments of the episode, because this hour had already accustomed us so much. I’m afraid for abutting anniversary because I don’t appetite anyone to do annihilation that they can’t appear aback from — but until afresh we’ll aloof accept to achievement for the best. See you abutting anniversary aback the crudité hits the floor!
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