EVER sat in a beard salon, with your arch in the easily of a stylist, and anticipation “I could do that”? Bet it doesn’t assume absolutely so accessible now.
Since hairdressers closed, due to Covid assurance guidance, bodies accept taken it aloft themselves to cut their own hair… or accept trusted admired ones to do it. And the after-effects are bad – generally spectacularly so.
Lockdown beard is a leveller of our time. You see it everywhere; newsreaders and TV presenters, after able stylists at their disposal, attending appealing abundant like the draft of us, with fibrous beard and clue roots. Once-hip beards attending agrarian and dishevelled, like they ability accept $.25 of old aliment in them. Sneaky blah hairs taunt us with mortality.
No acceptable comes of absolution amateurs apart with kitchen scissors and clippers – as is acutely credible in the lockdown DIY beard disasters currently adopting a smile. My beard has gone Rapunzel; it’s the longest it’s been in years and is active me crazy. You can accumulate your non-essential shops and Greggs pasties – what I appetite best appropriate now is a cut and draft dry.
At atomic I can tie my beard up, so it’s out of sight. Some lockdown haircuts accept larboard bodies attractive like bargain Peaky Blinders or with Joan of Arc fringes… or no beard at all.
It got me cerebration about my beard disasters over the years. I grew up abreast a salon alleged Ron and Yvonne, it seemed impossibly alluring and I briefly absurd actuality a hairdresser. Aged about seven, on a whim, I asked my mum to cut my connected beard short. In that way of Seventies mums, she afraid abroad at it, and I instantly hated it. I was ashamed when, acid shorts one day, I was out with my brother and addition alleged us accompanying boys.
Aged 15, I was at a bus stop aback a babe came up and said: ‘Do you appetite a chargeless perm?’ Turns out there’s no such affair as a chargeless perm, but she was a hairdressing student, alms to do it for £2.50. Alarm accretion should apparently accept rung, but this was the Eighties; I was atrocious for a amphitheater perm and the abutting I’d got was application my crimping irons.
I capital to attending like Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin. What I concluded up akin was Twisted Sister. It bound became bright that the amateur didn’t apperceive her way about a canteen of perming lotion. After acid my beard way too short, she spent ages applying layers of the foul-smelling stuff, wrapping what was larboard of my beard in a bank of argent foil. Her babysitter would occasionally aberrate over to bark aback some antithesis and wince.
I sat there for six hours. My acquaintance who’d been with me, eventually got apathetic of bedlam at my argent beehive and went home. Aback my perm was assuredly unveiled, it looked like a accumulation of harbinger dumped on my head. Blinking aback tears, I handed over £2.50 and went aback to the bus stop – with my awning up.
But my perm attraction continued. I spent the Eighties in a aeon of perms, until one beautician absitively my beard was too damaged, and cut out the frizz, chopping the draft into a bob. Assuredly I was perm-free. Until years after when, two canicule afore a adventurous weekend, I absitively my beard bare ‘a lift’ and, unwisely, appointed a perm. I looked on, horrified, as the stylist angry my altogether nice beeline beard into bound Deirdre Barlow curls. It took a lot of smoke and mirrors, and straighteners, to get through that mini break.
Ringlet perms, like mullets, backcombing and albino fringes, accord in the Eighties. They are the beard horrors that appear aback to abode us in photos and TV blow shows – aloof as lockdown beard will ascertain this era in years to come.
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